You Are Not Intrinsically Inferior Just Because You Were Born A Girl

[A continuation of Fight Hard]

The first call I made after the attack was to one of the studio owners. Both women were personal friends of mine and I needed the one who spoke Cantonese to help me call the police. But her response after I gave my account left me floored.

“Ooh, why didn’t you close the door?” she fussed over the phone.

I felt like I had been slapped.

Two things:

1) We occupied the entire fourth floor, there was never a need to close the door before. And not that I am obligated to defend myself, but on every other occasion, I always (always!) locked the door during my privates. It just so happened my client was late that day and we rushed to get things started.

2) Her rhetorical questions was akin to victim-blaming; if I did close the door to our studio, I would not have been attacked. If I was wearing more clothes in a pole studio, I would not have invited the stranger - who came into our place of business - to take unsolicited photos of us.

I expected that kickback from the police, which they did chide me for, but to hear that from a fellow woman, someone I had held in high regard, was a betrayal. If you blame the victim, then you stand with the perpetrator. To be clear, there are no victims in this story. I was simply being scolded for not closing a door and that is why a man came in and took pictures of me and my client.

No, this goes deeper than that. We need to change the culture of sexism. You are not intrinsically inferior just because you were born a girl. I think about that a lot now after having you. My job is to try and raise your consciousness. How will you fight this oppression and empower others along the way?

Grandma used to tell me all the time, “You have a mouth, use it.” What is the point of having a voice if you’re going to be silent in the moments you shouldn’t be?”

Don’t be an unconscious collaborator in this gender bias, baby. She might not have meant what she said on the phone that day, but the damage was done. Our friendship was never the same after that, partly because I never looked at her the same way.